I give myself permission to feel my anger in all its fullness. I allow myself to embrace my anger, to take care of my anger. From now on, I give myself permission to feel my anger whenever it comes up. I don’t need to suppress my anger or oppress myself for anyone or any reason from here on out! I can do this because what I feel matters. I count as a person. Allowing myself to feel and be with my anger is the first step in validating myself. It will let me be where I need to be right now. I am angry of the pressure I put on myself. I am angry of having to struggle financially as a single mom. I am angry with the feeling that I need to do more, have more, be more. I am angry with the feeling that I am never enough. That life is never enough.I am tired of dissatisfaction. I am tired of the discouragement of failure. I am tired of striving. I am tired of being tired.
This morning I sent out a wish during my meditation for abundance, for myself, my children, my community, my city, the country where I live, and the earth and all it contains. I sent this wish out in faith because I am a faithful being. I still feel the pain from my last angry outburst two weeks ago. I still feel the shame, guilt and discouragement of losing my self-control. I still feel the discouragement from the discovery of the delusion that all this time I had been managing my anger when in fact I was suppressing it.
I accept my anger and frustration. I accept my striving. I accept the three d’s of dissatisfaction, disappointment, and discouragement. I accept my sadness and the heaviness it brings. I accept myself. I accept my smile. I accept my joy. I breathe. I breathe in, I breathe out. I accept and I let go. I don’t hold on anymore. I let go. I breathe with the all. The Oneness. I respect my body. I respect my mind. I respect my soul. I respect my well-being. I respect myself. I am quiet inside. Within me I am quiet. I am that I am. I breathe. I am alive. I breathe and I feel the breath of life. I smile. I smile to myself. I smile at the lady shaking rugs from the rooftop terrasse whom I can see from my kitchen window. I release the tension in my neck. I release the tension in my shoulders. I release the tension in my stomach. I release the tension in my head. I breathe in. I breathe out. I let go.
“Genuine forgiveness does not deny anger but faces it head-on.” ~Alice Duer Miller
This link was my personal inspiration for this post:
There are negative and positive seeds within our being. Today I was reflecting on the negative. These seeds or entities…our anger, hatred, fear, despair, sadness, and suffering -to name a few- are apart of us. If we say that our entities aren’t part of who we are then we are separating them from ourselves. That would be dividing ourselves into soul shards. What we need to realize is that we are more than these seeds. If we learn to accept them as part of ourselves, but identify with the more and greater abundance that is there inside then we can heal and know our essence and potential as reality.
Healing doesn’t divide and separate; it makes us whole. It is important to be clear and honest with ourselves. Therefore, what we tell ourselves in our mind should be carefully examined so that false ideas don’t water the seeds of ignorance and confusion. That is the company that anger keeps within our subconscious and unconscious. Once a false perception is firmly rooted it begins to take over our thoughts and feelings. It begins to control our actions. This causes a lot of damage. For ourselves. And others through pain and suffering. Sometimes the false perception overruns our soul garden, and we are no longer able to recognize ourselves.
The work and energy to transform such a situation is enormous. However, the effort is worth it. Thich Nhat Hanh says, “If you see elements of garbage in you, don’t panic. As a good organic gardener, you can face this: ‘I recognize that there is garbage in me. I am going to transform this garbage into nourishing compost that can make love reappear.'” We may have to remind ourselves that we are capable of doing the work especially when we look at all the overgrowth. We have to recognize that our capacity to love, to understand and to be compassionate is still there. We have the ability to communicate, to forgive, and to show compassion no matter what has happened. When tending to our soul garden, we return home touching our own beauty.
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